Friday, October 22, 2010

A Day in the Life of Reginald Black

And thus abreast on the streets, forthwith and unbearingly on destination for my place of employment, the thought of insecurity struck swiftly, and I rushed home to lock my front door. Ironically, I had no front door. Having failed to remember what it was I felt pressed to do, I sped off suddenly into the living room without any preconceived avail and stumbled dumbfoundedly over a pyramid of edamame cans which I had painstakingly placed there the day before, if only to incite my imagination, which was actually quite bleak.

The next several hours are absolutely gone.

My memory was restored when I was sitting in the chair at the barber, as he so meticulously crafted my follicles into a fine and perfect form. The depths of craftmanship to which he delved were such that I was moved to tears, and I began to convulse in the aural thought of materialistic beauty on the floor, as though entranced by an unfamiliar thought. Moronically, I threw a fist of paper pounds at him and skipped freely out of the front door of the barber's office and into the street, where I forgot how to maintain clothes on my body, and soon found myself sprinting madly through the streets absolutely naked.

Soon a merry chase took its turn, and I was on the run from a gaggle of men in tall, round hats who all carried wooden clubs. Still madly I dashed, until I came upon my home, which had no front door. Acting quickly, I ran upstairs and quite painstakingly assembled my elephant rifle, only to find the constables had all returned to duty. It then struck my mind that, in fact, they were only chasing me until I found a more reasonable place to be naked. But soon I forgot how to let go of a rifle, and soon after that, I had forgotten how to not fire it in all directions insanely on the roof of my town house.

Oh, by the eye of Jove and his kinsmen, the constables were at me again! But I was quick on my feet! Leaping from rooftop to rooftop, I had forgotten how to hold a rifle and instead employed the simple act of fleeing, at which I professed quite exotically, that is, in a very failed sort of way.

The succeeding memory is of me falling from the roof, having reached the great roundabout at the end of my row, and being completely unable to leap upwards of a hundred metres. Forgetting how to undergo pain and anatomical destruction, I carried on, and soon forgot how to have no clothes and be chased by constables. By some unexplainable impulse, I forgot that gravity applies to automobiles, and promptly kicked a taxicab into a nearby coffee shop, whereat my mother was drinking tea. I felt it necessary to remember how to kill my loved ones, or so they should have been, for my mother was quite horsey.

Having completed these simple chores, I resumed my seat in Parliament the following day and passed a bill outlawing soup.

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